Episode 215
EP 215 - QUIZ - Business or Bullshit with Dominic Monkhouse
Dominic plays BOB with the first version of our newly designed deck of cards!
BWB is powered by Oury Clark
Transcript
Welcome to this week's Business or Bullshit quiz with master business coach and author Dominic Monkhouse in the hot seat.
Speaker:Oh, so this is a huge moment, a huge moment, and this is a great honor that Dominic, you're sharing with us that we are got the first official copy of the landmark game Business or Bullshit.
Speaker:This is the Business Without Bullshit podcast.
Speaker:We've always had a game called business or bullshit.
Speaker:Uh, what's going to happen now is we're going to read out something and all you got to do is tell us if you think it's business or bullshit.
Speaker:I believe biz shit was scrapped.
Speaker:Fuck off.
Speaker:I think it has been, uh, scrapped.
Speaker:Sorry.
Speaker:It was certainly, we, we've got a force.
Speaker:We may have a joker card developed.
Speaker:Should we have a single joker?
Speaker:Yeah, one joker.
Speaker:We haven't fully formed the game yet.
Speaker:There will be arguments and disagreements.
Speaker:Is this thing?
Speaker:Oh, loads.
Speaker:Have you started the music, Dee?
Speaker:I do hope so.
Speaker:This is a huge thing.
Speaker:Okay, so in the full game, we've got a much longer list, but we've only just had the first...
Speaker:Uh, production prototype put through.
Speaker:Okay, are you ready?
Speaker:Do you understand the rules of the game?
Speaker:I guess.
Speaker:Business or bullshit, you're allowed to expand on them.
Speaker:You know, if you feel particularly passionate about one, please tell us.
Speaker:You know, if you think one's difficult or something.
Speaker:Yeah, it's not just like, uh, Otherwise we'll be through in about two minutes.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker:And we're off.
Speaker:Meeting agendas.
Speaker:Bullshit.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Diversity quotas.
Speaker:Bullshit.
Speaker:Somebody was talking to me the other day and I used an example where I remember being in India years ago and they were saying, right, we're going to have a non university path to becoming a doctor.
Speaker:And people said, well, that's okay, you can do that government.
Speaker:But of course, nobody will go to see the doctor who hasn't got a proper qualification, so.
Speaker:Paradigm shift.
Speaker:A fundamental change in the way people think, perceive, or understand.
Speaker:I'm not reading the whole thing.
Speaker:Bullshit.
Speaker:It's bullshit, isn't it?
Speaker:Bullshit.
Speaker:You come into a business into a paradigm shift, don't you?
Speaker:You say, look, we're looking at all around the walls over there.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:In a way, that's, you could call your business paradigm shift.
Speaker:Could do.
Speaker:You could.
Speaker:I would vomit at that point.
Speaker:Yeah, no, I would too.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It'd be like whole streams of vomit.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah, it's true.
Speaker:Uh, okay, uh, work clothes.
Speaker:Attar specifically chosen and worn in professional settings adhering to industry norms and expectations to project a polished and appropriate appearance that aligns with the work environment.
Speaker:Total bullshit.
Speaker:We used to do Dress Up Smart Friday once a month where we'd all put suits on to mock people who wore suits for a living.
Speaker:Do you think that about your account when you come see us?
Speaker:People and me, we're hanging around in baggy pants.
Speaker:Couldn't care way what you wear.
Speaker:Don't you think it would just make you think, Oh, maybe his numbers aren't quite on the money.
Speaker:Because he can't buy a decent suit.
Speaker:What about the prime minister?
Speaker:Comes out, he's in his juggly pants.
Speaker:Then we start thinking, oh, world leaders.
Speaker:He's gone for the world leader conference.
Speaker:Just to be clear, did you see the fucking way Boris Johnson dressed?
Speaker:Oh, we said no Boris!
Speaker:I know, but I mean...
Speaker:Yeah, well, he was disheveled.
Speaker:Hedged backwards, yeah?
Speaker:Yeah, hedged backwards, yeah.
Speaker:Blues!
Speaker:Sky Thinking.
Speaker:The activity of trying to find completely new ideas.
Speaker:Bollocks.
Speaker:Really?
Speaker:It's bollocks.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's bullshit.
Speaker:It's bullshit.
Speaker:Sorry, it's bullshit.
Speaker:I'm sorry.
Speaker:Mandatory office birthday cakes.
Speaker:The practice of providing cakes or similar treats for celebrating employees birthdays in the workplace.
Speaker:I'm gonna read this whole fucking thing.
Speaker:Creating a communal and festive While acknowledging and honoring individual milestones.
Speaker:Mandatory fun has never made anybody happy.
Speaker:Unless you have a glass of red wine with happy.
Speaker:No, no, The secret is Red Bull and vodka.
Speaker:And if you ever go to one of those Red Bull events, and they're serving Red Bull and vodka.
Speaker:Fucking everyone's just after an hour, everyone's
Speaker:like, Shit, I'm feeling really, really good!
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:Hot desking.
Speaker:I mean, we get forced into it.
Speaker:No, no, no.
Speaker:Fine, put them in a smaller space, squeeze them in the corner if necessary.
Speaker:It's just miserable.
Speaker:Put them in a hut, give them a carrot.
Speaker:Yeah, well it just feels like industrial revolution.
Speaker:Let's just whip them to work harder.
Speaker:Let's make the joy of coming to the office as little as possible.
Speaker:Let's make the machines take their hands off if they don't type fast enough.
Speaker:Uh, wheelhouses, as in, that's not my wheelhouse.
Speaker:That's bullshit.
Speaker:Hang on, have we got him on this one, LinkedIn.
Speaker:LinkedIn.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Hello, I'm Boris, and we do software development in the Ukraine.
Speaker:Please connect with me so I can spam you some more.
Speaker:I think this is bullshit too.
Speaker:Universal basic income.
Speaker:Oh, that's probably all right.
Speaker:It's probably business, that.
Speaker:Uh, business plans, huh?
Speaker:What about a business plan?
Speaker:Gotta have a business plan, but not in Excel.
Speaker:That's not a plan.
Speaker:That's an Excel spreadsheet.
Speaker:So everybody I've ever met says, yeah, I've got a business plan, show it to me, and they send me their Excel spreadsheet.
Speaker:Andy absolutely loves an Excel spreadsheet.
Speaker:I do when I'm working out percentages of shares.
Speaker:It's, it's, Excel has its place, but it's not where, it's not where you what, oh wow, it amazes me what you can get up to in Excel.
Speaker:Anyway, uh, pivoting is something you can do in Excel.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Pivoting apparently is the strategic shift made by a business.
Speaker:You think business?
Speaker:Bullshit.
Speaker:It's what startups do when their first idea was shit.
Speaker:That is very true.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's just a polite way to say, we're morons.
Speaker:So it is business, really.
Speaker:Business.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Ballpark figures.
Speaker:There's a thing called CEO math.
Speaker:Ballpark figures, CEO math.
Speaker:We've just fucking made it up.
Speaker:That's what that is.
Speaker:Is that business or bullshit?
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:It's like, it's standard practice.
Speaker:It's probably biz shit.
Speaker:I mean, you know, big pitch is fine, but you need, you definitely need someone in the business who's on those numbers heavily.
Speaker:That cash flow.
Speaker:Alarm bells.
Speaker:I call it days to death, what's your days to death, and if people don't know they're not on it.
Speaker:What a year!
Speaker:You know, anyway.
Speaker:Uh, in office fitness classes, oh I haven't enjoyed one of those, have you ever had an in office fitness class?
Speaker:Maybe we should look.
Speaker:Like we do yoga at work on a Friday.
Speaker:On a Friday?
Speaker:In the morning or the afternoon?
Speaker:Afternoon, then we wrap up.
Speaker:Does anyone fart?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:No, I, for two years I did it on my own.
Speaker:Now, we've, we've just had some of the team join me.
Speaker:You could have farted on your own.
Speaker:It would have been better on your own.
Speaker:And now they join, you're like, Oh, I haven't thought this through exactly.
Speaker:This is my farting moment.
Speaker:I've never had that problem in a yoga class.
Speaker:Ah, well, you have lunch, and then you do all that bending.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Flexible working.
Speaker:Flexible working is business.
Speaker:Fart.
Speaker:Fart.
Speaker:The whole working from home thing.
Speaker:I think people who want to work from home all the time are just selfish.
Speaker:They don't want to make a contribution to the company culture.
Speaker:Why do I have to make a contribution to the company culture?
Speaker:You don't, but you can work somewhere else.
Speaker:It's fine, it's entirely optional.
Speaker:Office nap pods.
Speaker:You got one of them?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:Think about the Japanese nap a lot.
Speaker:Yeah, no, when we did the office in Southampton, I wanted to put them in, but they missed it out on the budget cut.
Speaker:We put a pub in, but we took the nap pods in.
Speaker:What, um, time recording code would that be?
Speaker:Research.
Speaker:In your mind, you know.
Speaker:I mean, all your best ideas happen in your mind, isn't it?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Uh, MBAs.
Speaker:Business.
Speaker:Oh my God!
Speaker:We don't have to do that.
Speaker:Only because I've got one.
Speaker:Ah!
Speaker:Honestly, they get a bad rep.
Speaker:I'm sorry.
Speaker:I enjoyed doing mine.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Well, it was probably a long time ago.
Speaker:It went badly when they were good.
Speaker:And I did it because the job...
Speaker:Early on they were like, Oh, that's very impressive.
Speaker:You know.
Speaker:The job was turning my brain to mush, so I thought I better do something else so I can, you've built such credentials up
Speaker:through this game, you know, you've bullshitted in all the right places and then it comes in the dozy and ah, I quite like them.
Speaker:It's like credibility, gone, you know, low hanging fruit, bullshit, team building exercises.
Speaker:Surely that's your absolute bread and butter.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's what you do.
Speaker:You come into decent team building.
Speaker:No, I start by saying, Is this team a team?
Speaker:Is this team a team?
Speaker:You ask them that directly?
Speaker:If they say yes, yes, we're an absolute team, do you go, Okay, see ya.
Speaker:I'll just send you my bill.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That would be perfect.
Speaker:Wouldn't it?
Speaker:It's never happened.
Speaker:By day rate, as I walked here.
Speaker:Yeah, but you said that that was a problem and now you've fixed it.
Speaker:Without me, that's great.
Speaker:I'll go somewhere else.
Speaker:That's it?
Speaker:Well, let's score it.
Speaker:I think you got minus 100 points for the NBA one.
Speaker:Maybe even as much as minus 1, 000.
Speaker:So you got 162 minus 1, 000.
Speaker:I mean, that went very badly at the end there, didn't it?
Speaker:A big thank you to Dominic for joining us this week.
Speaker:And we'll be back with a brand new episode next Tuesday.
Speaker:In the meantime, have a great weekend.
